Monday, 11 January 2010

Drive-Thru confession anybody?

So may I enquire as to what it is about Americans and their need to never leave the safety of their own cars?

What is this obsession with drive-thrus of every variety?

I have now experienced both an off license drive thru, where you drive up to the front door and they placed the beer purchased upon the back seat of the car for you and a drive thru bank, where they cash cheques, make withdrawals and bank your money, int he space of mere moments. There are also , I am told, pharmacy's of this nature. You can drop of your prescription at the window and then pick it up later from the same window, without ever having the need of leaving the comfort of your luxurious SUV or even the need to turn off the car engine.

With the portions they serve, one would think that they would like the occasion to get up and walk off the calories just devoured in a steak the size of a baby.

What is next America?

Drive Thru Confession anybody?

Man enters firmly ensconced in his Durango through the entrance and makes for the correct lane, a menu stands before him. Lit up in lights, to enable sinners to see in the dark and early hours of the morning.

Confession Menu
1: Confession to Murder

2:Confession to Stealing

3: Confession to Adultery

4: Confession to Lustful thoughts

Blessing Menu
1: Blessing for a new Marriage

2: Blessing for a new House

3: Blessing for a new Baby

4: Blessing for a new job

Exorcism Menu

1: Ghost of a relative
2: Ghost of a stranger

3: Poltergeist

"2 4 1 special on Blessings until Easter Sunday and 1/2 price Exorcisms all this week."

The Man regards the menu carefully and finally the speaker next to his window crackles into life.

"Bless you my child. What can we here at the Drive Thru Church of the Working Christians do for you this fair evening?" came the voice peppered with the machines crinkles.

"I would like a number 3 from the Confession's menu and a number 1 from the Blessing's menu, please,"

"Very god sir, please make your way to window number 1 and may god bless you my child,"

The man drives his car and moves to his alloted window. The hole is covered by a dark gauzy material.

"Bless you my child," came the voice as old as 1000 cigars.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned," began he man and confessed his darkest deed that week, and received his blessing for his newly married state and so drove away happy in the knowledge he had done all he could for his soul.

Or maybe Drive Thru Doctors would appeal to the masses.

The menu provided him with a multitude of choices.

"May we help you sir?" Came the disembodied voice from the small box next to his window.

"Yes I am sick and wish for a diagnosis,"

"Please state your symptoms in a slow and clear voice please,"

"Sore Throat, Headache and a Pain in the Abdomen,"

"Is the pain an ache or a stabbing pain?"

"An ache,"

"Thank you. Please proceed to window number 2 where Dr. Langdon will evaluate your symptoms and give you a diagnosis."

The man drove to window 2

"Hello sir, you have a stomach bug it would appear. Please take this prescription to the drive thru pharmacy next door,"

"Thank you, doctor"
and the man drove away, happy in the knowledge that he was going to be in health once more.

I mean will this madness ever end?

The Countess

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