Saturday, 2 January 2010

Alabama Funness

Armed with a new pen I shall write for a new day. I am currently staying with the good Duchess Mary Jane of the House of Vera and her family. We are rested delicately betwixt Alabama and Georgia.

I spent New Years Day in Atlanta, Georgia. I was taken to my first Burger Joint called the Vortex and had my first experience of Tater Tots, though they are said 'Tader Tots'. If you on saying them as written much mirth will be flung thy way. But we had a short stop at the fabulous Aunt Connie, a member of the Duchess' family, and she presented myself and the Baroness Frankie with a book entitled 'How to Speak Southern'.

I shall study this book of wondrous new words and try to shock the Southern section by occasionally throwing in a 'local' word.

What people say about the Southern hospitality it all true.
Completely true.
They could not do more for you if they tried. They remind me very much of my Greek family.

1) You must always have a drink within a foot grasp.
2) You must always be full of stomach.
3) You must always feel completely relaxed and at home.

It is a lovely thing to experience but I think if I had not been acquainted with this kind of behaviour from my Greek family I could be overwhlemed.

I think America could spoil me in certain ways. One being that almost everywhere you go to participate in mastication of foodrous delights you must wait to be seated and it's table service. There does not exist the need to send half the family to the counter, while the other half encircle the eating area as vultures.

Three families of vultures appear fluttering at the edges of the area. Let us call them 'The Blue Family', 'The Red Family' and 'The Orange Family'.

The Blue Family have chosen to leave their young to represent them in this fight. This could prove disastrous or fortuitous. Young people are swift, quick and nimble and can nip through the chairs easier than the adults. Yet they may be foolish in their tactics.

The Red Family have picked the mother, a wise choice, still a flickering or youth, she is quick but withthe knowledge of all women through the ages running through her blood (as all women invariably do, once birth has occurred) However the Reds made one mistake and sent Grandma along with a cane to help. Rookie Mistake. She is slow and maneuvering the cane betwixt the tables and chairs that are tightly packed for optimum mass, is incredibly hard. But you should never write her off completely as she does possess one weapon 'guilt of the young'.

The orange family picked mother and young and now look like the front runners.

The vultures eye each other suspiciously. Their eyes flicking occasionally to sweep through the area in case they are witness to the table desertion of another family.

A movement to the left and Blue takes action and the two young move forward; nipping nimbly. Yet in their haste, they do not calculate ahead and fail to see the obstacle of a large pram being placed into their route through the maze of furniture and they leave the path free for Orange to plow through with youth and knowledge on their side.

But Disaster!

The head of the departing family has espied Red stumbling towards them, cane-thwarted. He pauses with his mate at the table.

All action halts

nervously waiting

breath is baited

Then the table smiles at the Reds and the game is won.

Well done the Red team!

Blue and Orange have only seconds to recover and replace themselves into powerful positions before a flicker from the right hand side side reveals a new movement.

And Green and Yellow teams enter the play.

This English past time of seat finding in cafes does not exist in the American equivalent. No rigmarole for them. Only politeness, fairness and ease does great this Americans in their eating experience.


Every now and then, a hankering for the challenge and excitement an English eating establishment can provide will sneak in.

A good race always whets the appetite.

The Countess

1 comment:

  1. A testament to your colorful imagination my dear and a great illustration of the culture. Keep up the good work!