Abused by A duchess wielding chaps!!!

I write in a state of despair people!
I have been abused!
Terribly abused and in a most disturbing and American manner by the Duchess and a pair of her chaps (no my English dears I do not mean two guys, I mean the things you wear over jeans when riding a horse in this country).

The Duchess used me as an English doll and played American dress up, turning me into half a cowgirl, shirt and chaps complete.

See the photo to prove this unfortunate and unnecessary to me (necessary to the Duchess), event.
I can only describe the sparkles, you would have to see to understand.

Also wearing the chaps (that are a lot tighter than one might assume) makes one incredibly aware of ones front bits and back bits (poon and ass to be vulgar about it). And the closeness you feel to the person putting on your first set of chaps is slightly wrong. They get muchly closer than someone your acquainted with, and hasn't seen you naked, should do.
Ever heard of personal space?
Is that supposed to zip all the way up there?

Have also had my first experience of a two wheeled vehicle that entertains a motor.
I have balance issues (ballet class aside) and such childhood greatness as roller skating/blading, ice skating, skateboarding, skiing, snow boarding bypassed me as something i was unable to accomplish or did not even try to bother (the pain would be too intense).

So I was mildly perturbed to be placed onto the back of a dubious looking scooter with the crazy red-headed Baroness at the helm. This hair raising trip was to be followed by a much faster and longer trip with the blond vixen, otherwise known as the Duchess.

Unfortunately for my heart and mother I definitely enjoyed it and am looking forward to driving other vehicles of dubious nature.

Baroness bringeth me my next steed!!!
Mother Pray for me!!!
The Countess