Aliens, Acorns and Anal Probes

Our final adventure along this northern trip was in PA, about one/two hours away from Dry Run. It was in the brilliant and intriguing town of Kecksburg. Yes this is another bizarre roadside attraction that we spotted and had to see.

Kecksburg claims that a spaceship shaped like an acorn landed there and many local eyewitnesses saw the police and military drive in and take things from the site and leave.

Nothing much was thought about this until the 1970s, when a documentary crew were filming a TV series about unexplained phenomenon and came into town. They created a replica of the 'space acorn' which they left when they had finished.

This acorn was placed onto the top of a building by the town and forgotten.

For many years

Until the Hype of Roswell and dollar signs entered the minds of the inhabitants of Kecksburg.

The Acorn was taken down and placed atop a large pole after being painted a fetching brown, at the bottom of a hillside. Two outdoor lights were fixed to illuminate this magnificent alien beast at night, so late visitors will not be disappointed.

I arrived in the light, which was quite lucky, as if I had arrived in the dark I would not have entered the UFO store, which is located in the back of the very local bar.

Kecksburg was not the most attractive of towns. nor did it seem the safest for strangers. So we may have procrastinated for ten r more minutes about whether we had the courage to enter the bar.

The Baroness had the decency to allow the poor English girl to enter the very local American bar first. I summoned my entire courage and opened the door, only to find myself at another door with a sign that simply said.

'Press Buzzer'

Why? My brain asked, while my hand full of bravery pressed.

Eight pairs of eyes turned to focus with strange intensity upon myself as I entered the room.

The UFO store was nowhere in sight.

Shit!

Was this a ruse, a mere ploy to entice unsuspecting tourists into a scary trap. Visions of House of 1000 Corpses jumped into my mind.

I had seen Deliverance.

"Ask," whispered the Baroness, again revealing her gentlemanly behaviour.

"Excuse me." The eyes bore further as the accent was clocked "Is there a UFO store."

Six pairs of eyes rolled. One smiled and pointed to the eighth, who was getting up of her seat.
"Sure it's back here." She puts our her cigarette and opens a door, revealing a space no bigger than a toilet cubical, filled with sweatshirts, T-Shirts, Little Green Men (either stuffed or blown up), mugs, hats and shot glasses.

The Baroness purchased a mug (mugs are a thing with her) and I could not resist the hoodie with a fantastic reenactment of the Acorn crash landing (which in the jumper resembled, unfortunately, an anal probe.)

It is now my favourite item of clothing.

Then we headed back home to PA.

The Countess.

Canada and Satan's concubine

Saw Niagara Falls, unfortunately in the rain, but HEY! Whose complaining. It was magnificent and beautiful with the snow all around and the strength of the water creating crazy patterns with the snow and frost.

We didn't stay long before we were heading for Canada.

We were extremely excited about crossing the border and I got told off for trying to film my passage. The booth lady told me to go into the little room and get my passport stamped.

Everything was fine.

Until we walked up to Satan's mistress booth.

"Where are you going?" She asks, but I do not know the name of the town, so the Baroness answers. "Oakville," she says. "Can she speak English?" Asks the wench. "Yes!" I said. "When are you due," I thought she said. "25th March" I said "No," The Baroness said "She asked what you do," "You need to go and sit down," she pointed at the Baroness in a patronising tone. "You are answering for her,"

Satan's concubine then proceeded to grill me and the Baroness separately. She needed to know the amount of money I had in my bank account, at the Baroness homestead and in my purse.
"You travelling around the US on that amount?" she asks in what I deem unprofessional decision. "So you are unemployed?" "Yes" "You're not studying?" "No"

Another look of derision swipes across her face.
'Bitch!' sweeps across mine.

Baroness' turn and she is made to go back to the car, take out her purse, and count out all her money, note by note, in front of her.
"Where did you meet?" "London," "How do you know each other?" "We met at uni!" "Why are you going to Canada?" "To see a friend,"

The interrogation went on and on for 30 minutes, they asked the same question again and again in different ways and tones. Until she finally, and looking very grudgingly, stamped my passport and we were allowed through the border, in incredibly angry and hating moods.

Canada had Sherri and her family's warm welcome to thank for the small love I feel for this country. They were a great family and I felt incredibly comfortable in their home.

The Countess

The Boring Journey...Wait Is that a cop following us Baroness??

So we missioned to Niagra Falls today, after stopping off to see the Baroness' land in upstate New York. The Yank (her father) bought me an amazing haddock sandwich, which consisted of a battered fish and a bun placed directly in the middle. Confusing to understand how to eat. Some folded, others cut them up and ate some as a sandwich and the rest on their own. It was a poser and you know using up your braincells gives you an appetite, so if it's tasty and makes you think, I am all for it.

We spent so long in New York that we entered Niagra Falls in darkness. The journey here was pretty uneventful except for the small part in the middle where The Baroness was pulled over for speeding....

82 MPH in a 65MPH zone.

mmmmm. We would have been fine except we had been snoozing, as we had been on the road for a while without any excitement. I wanted to take a picture of the Sheriff so bad but the Baroness said told me if we got ourselves into this situation that I was not to speak but merely smile and flash a bit 'o' tit if I could. I smiled but the boobs were covered by a 50 cent Tinkerbell T-Shirt purhased at a Thrift store the day before, so that was a no go. Also she thought my English accent could anger certain people and we did not know if this Sheriff was a certain people.

We also made a quick stop the day before at the Whispering Statue in Barre, Vermont. A monument raised to celebrate youth, it had a freak side effect in the design and so if two people sit at either side, with the statue betwixt them they can talk at a normal level and it sounds as if they are sat next to each other.

The Countess

Stop taking the Picture and help me get out of the snow Baroness!!!

Today we left Maine along with the wonder that is the route 25. We joined it and rode it to the end through nowhere, pretty, divinely beautiful, sometimes bizarre and occassionaly scary.

I recommend the world to travel along route 25 and see the delights it holds Including 'Simply Divine Brownies' These brownies are a feast of deliciousness. The Baroness saw the sign 'CHOCOLATE', I saw the sign 'BROWNIE' and we realised that is was necessary to stop.
The devil stood behind the counter smiling, knowing the downfall of these two victims was near. They edge to counter and the devil caught them in it's smile. It knew what it was doing when it offered them temptation. It knew what it was doing offering them evil in the form of tasty chocolate, melt in your mouth treats. It gave They received It exhaulted They fell. $6.50 dollars worth later they walk out with no feast, but two tiny squares of cake. But oh what tasty tiny squares!


We later frolicked in the snow in New Hampshire. Well it started as frolicking and then turned into chaos as first I, then the Baroness got our legs stuck in the snow and found ourselves incapacitated while the other took five minutes to take pictures before helping their friend in need.

My ass was soaked.

We stopped in Albany, the true capital of New York and got another Econo Lodge.

I stole a pen.

The Countess.

Lobster Loving in Maine.

I have been frolicking in the land of Witches, which we discovered was maybe a bad idea with the Baroness in tow. It would appear that a book written by a long dead Pope, teaches us how to spot a witch; Red hair being one of the clues. So the Baroness and her flaming hair would be the 'Spawn of the Devil' and a perfect target for scary puritanical witch hunters. So we did not dally long in this beautiful twon, only a mere morning as we did not fancy being hunted down and burnt at the stake.

We made our way to Essex, a place which claimed to be the 'Antiques Capital of New England' This town consisted of Antiques and food and that is about it! We could not see any homes. We spent a while frolicking in the antiques and bought two old polaroid cameras and a side order of advice of where to dine that lunchtime. So we ate lovely things and wrote our postcards in a dive with delicious food and finally made for Maine and my first lobster.

We rested for the night in an Econo Lodge. A delightful little motel-esque place run by a sweet Indian couple who lived in London for four years and miss the cricket and pubs!



We headed for the nearest supermarket and the Baroness ordered two 2lb lobsters for us to be cooked there. We took them back to the lodge with a bevvy of beers, as the Baroness is a firm believer in washing Lobster down with beer and now I would have to agree, they compliment each other lovingly. The Baroness showed me how one eats lobster as I excitedly looked on and followed. Only two words to describe this feast.

LOVE IT!!

God help the next man who takes me on a dinner date. Mwhahhahah.

The Countess

Yes, We Found the Middle of Nowhere...In Rhode Island!

So the trip to New England begins with a Greek restaurant called the Parthenon, which possesses personal jukeboxes on each table. This has been a great fantasy of mine and I grabbed the opportunity to play. One dollar and three selections. So I ate stuffed shrimp listening to James Taylor, The Beatles and Jimi Hendrix in Conneticut. Love it!!!

Later in the day, we ended up in the a dodgy part of Rhode Island. We didn't realise such places existed there but as we drove past the diner proudly stating 'the Middle Of Nowhere Diner' we realised we had actually found the Middle Of Nowhere.

That evening we followed the directions to the MOBA, no not the MOMA, but the Museum of Bad Art. We realised something was a bit funny when the direction ended up saying 'Go to the Male basement toilet', and indeed this one roomed art muesum is located next to the men's basement bathroom that did not have a door but an inadequate partion saving the man's modesty




We finally rested for the might in a motel.

My first motel.

I was a little bit excited. More than a little bit excited.

The Countess

New York - Part Three - Pizza with a side order of Crazy

Sunday began at around 7am, as the sun shone in from the half closed blind. Which would be fine if you hadn't got to bed only two hours ago. Today I was to meet My mother's cousin Terry who runs a pizzeria in New York called Fivo's Pizza. We had spoken muchly using the wondrous greatness of the Facebook medium. After using a mixture of Terry's directions and the iPhone we found the street, where I stood directly outside the place, looking for the place, while Terry was sat in the place, watching me from inside.

We went in and were welcomed in an incredibly warm greeting by Terry, who proceeded to feed us with much pizza and soda. Feed us to the point of bursting and then when we could eat no more, he sent us away with more pizza to gorge ourselves at a later date.

Everything was happening as it should be, the meeting was going well, then Crazy walked into the place and this normal meeting went up in smoke. First meeting was when an old lady, about 70, came up to our table and stared intensely at Lauren for about five minutes before screaming at her in a loud American accent

"Are you from England?" Our relationship with this woman moved on quickly from there, including the fact that this woman was bleeding profusely from her nose and the blood was dripping onto her pizza. She went through about 50 napkins, a bag of ice and Terry even sent out for peroxide to stem this crimson waterfall.

Terry was sat on a table next to us. She placed her coat on a seat around the table and went to get her pizza.

"Hey," says Terry, " This table is taken!"
"I know," she said " I just took it!"

She had a smattering of words in many different languages including Greek and her favourite word was 'loco' which she applied to all of us at one point. She had a wealth of incorrect knowledge, claiming that the national language of Jamaica was French.

She also demonstrated her soccer (that is football to the English) skills that culminated in her kicking me in the shins. This woman managed to scare me and make me laugh but definitely entertained me.

We finally said our goodbyes to Terry and made our journey back to New Jersey. Where we finished our weekend by playing 'Superheroes' .

Baroness - Lex Luther
Me - Frozone
AJ - Superman
Fran - Spidergirl
Jason - Lois Lane.

Obviously the Baroness was the baddy, and myself and Fran were AJ's sidekicks and Jason being Lois watched from the sidelines. Lex Luther managed to trap Spidergirl and Frozone within meer minutes, using her steel-like thighs and powerful upper torso, leaving Superman to tussle with Lex Luther for the majority of the game.

The sidekicks sucked and the game ended because they hurt in places and needed to recharge the batteries.

Beware the Baroness

The Countess