Biscuits and Scones: The difference

I have been shown the delights of Columbus Auburn, pound cake and the desert section of a supermarket.

"Oh enormous Fantasy Double Chocolate Fudge Cake. You shall be mine to place my entire face into for the bargain price of $19. Come, come to me"

Went to pull on the teats of the cow outside the Columbus Best Buy, which I am told is a rite of passage (see picture of fabulousness) For those out of the know. Best Buy is an electrical store (see I said store, I am totally getting this American speaking) where I purchased my american phone for $1, yup $1. Now that is cheap folks!

Also I have been fortunate enough to have experienced my first Southern family barbecue, with the delightful twice baked potatoes that must go into my repertoire or rather my mother's, for her next barbecue.

If looking at these new pictures of myself and you notice an extra ass cheek, next to the normal left cheek, that is due to eating only two slices of pound cake. The Duchess' grandma's recipe. God bless the women.
and god bless the pound cake and all who sail in it.

Went to the Cracker Barrel, which is not just eating but 'an experience' of the old school kind. Tried American biscuits.

Here may I send out a warning to all English visiting the US.

One cannot dip said 'American Biscuit' in ones tea. (Also, as a side note. One's tea will not be lactated to English standard. You must ask for milk to complete our well known and loved beverage.)

The American biscuit is not Hobnob-like, or Rich Tea-y, or even Bourbon-esque. Tis a meal food, which is why you probably see it advertised with chicken, so do not balk at this strange phenomenon. It rather resembles a scone in looks but no jam, sorry jello or cream does one place upon it's fluffy exterior.

No, instead, you use this delightful buttery food product as the English use bread. Tis a lovely treat in gravy, on the side of a good stew or merely as a side plate to your main steak dinner.

And before you shout in horror about a scone being abused in this manner, I should inform you that it may look like a scone but it does not tasteth like a scone. It is bready in texture and fluffy like bready goodness.

Maybe somewhere betwixt a scone and bread roll.

mmm american deliciousness in bready form.

Try before judging

The Countess

Alabama Funness

Armed with a new pen I shall write for a new day. I am currently staying with the good Duchess Mary Jane of the House of Vera and her family. We are rested delicately betwixt Alabama and Georgia.

I spent New Years Day in Atlanta, Georgia. I was taken to my first Burger Joint called the Vortex and had my first experience of Tater Tots, though they are said 'Tader Tots'. If you on saying them as written much mirth will be flung thy way. But we had a short stop at the fabulous Aunt Connie, a member of the Duchess' family, and she presented myself and the Baroness Frankie with a book entitled 'How to Speak Southern'.

I shall study this book of wondrous new words and try to shock the Southern section by occasionally throwing in a 'local' word.

What people say about the Southern hospitality it all true.
Completely true.
They could not do more for you if they tried. They remind me very much of my Greek family.

1) You must always have a drink within a foot grasp.
2) You must always be full of stomach.
3) You must always feel completely relaxed and at home.

It is a lovely thing to experience but I think if I had not been acquainted with this kind of behaviour from my Greek family I could be overwhlemed.

I think America could spoil me in certain ways. One being that almost everywhere you go to participate in mastication of foodrous delights you must wait to be seated and it's table service. There does not exist the need to send half the family to the counter, while the other half encircle the eating area as vultures.

Three families of vultures appear fluttering at the edges of the area. Let us call them 'The Blue Family', 'The Red Family' and 'The Orange Family'.

The Blue Family have chosen to leave their young to represent them in this fight. This could prove disastrous or fortuitous. Young people are swift, quick and nimble and can nip through the chairs easier than the adults. Yet they may be foolish in their tactics.

The Red Family have picked the mother, a wise choice, still a flickering or youth, she is quick but withthe knowledge of all women through the ages running through her blood (as all women invariably do, once birth has occurred) However the Reds made one mistake and sent Grandma along with a cane to help. Rookie Mistake. She is slow and maneuvering the cane betwixt the tables and chairs that are tightly packed for optimum mass, is incredibly hard. But you should never write her off completely as she does possess one weapon 'guilt of the young'.

The orange family picked mother and young and now look like the front runners.

The vultures eye each other suspiciously. Their eyes flicking occasionally to sweep through the area in case they are witness to the table desertion of another family.

A movement to the left and Blue takes action and the two young move forward; nipping nimbly. Yet in their haste, they do not calculate ahead and fail to see the obstacle of a large pram being placed into their route through the maze of furniture and they leave the path free for Orange to plow through with youth and knowledge on their side.

But Disaster!

The head of the departing family has espied Red stumbling towards them, cane-thwarted. He pauses with his mate at the table.

All action halts

nervously waiting

breath is baited

Then the table smiles at the Reds and the game is won.

Well done the Red team!

Blue and Orange have only seconds to recover and replace themselves into powerful positions before a flicker from the right hand side side reveals a new movement.

And Green and Yellow teams enter the play.

This English past time of seat finding in cafes does not exist in the American equivalent. No rigmarole for them. Only politeness, fairness and ease does great this Americans in their eating experience.

Yet...

Every now and then, a hankering for the challenge and excitement an English eating establishment can provide will sneak in.

A good race always whets the appetite.

The Countess

The First Week

True I was supposed to blog from the beginning of my adventure but illness and no signal have put paid to this marvellous idea, so now I must play catch up.

My first written word upon this American road trip of wondrous new delights is technically about five days into the fun and giggles. The first few days of a new year are among my favourite days and this time more than usual.

A new Country
A new beginning
A feeling that something truly amazing will happen will occurr.

Since landing in DC on the 29th I have been thrust into the madness that is the US.
Everything is bigger and more friendlier.
Everything is in extremes, and the middle of the road where we Brits do like to tread does not seem to exist over here.

My first breakfast was at the iHop where I participated in what is deliciously known as The Sampler Breakfast. That is much meat and tasty eggs, with plentiful pancakes drowned in syrup. Unfortunately I was just overcoming a stomach bug and my poor bland English tastebuds were not prepared for the tasted sensation covered in grease and salt. Somewhere in an offbeat dirt-track I emptied my system of the fat-i-ful breaking of my fast into a plastic bag, which I left as a present for the locals.

I do know apologise profusely to the person or persons who may happen upon said plastic bag full of bile and hope you will not place too strong a curse upon my person.

Most of my time has been in the South.
I have managed to travel through Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia and Alabama.

While in the delightful space that was J & Rs (a place that claims in billboard fashion that it is one of the following three things.)

1: The largest Doll Shop in the world
2: The largest Cigar Shop in the world
3: The largest Cigarette Shop in the world.

Although forgive my englishness, I meant to say 'store' not 'shop'.

I had to decide while in this mecca of Dolls and Cigars what I would be collecting for my time in this country.
I went very British and decided upon the greatness of the Shot Glass, thinking it would be the epitome of class.
That and they were cheap and easy to transport not to mention the fact that I probably would use them rather then keep them behind the glass of some dusty cabinet or allow them to habit multitude of boxes now littering my parents attic.

At the moment I am in Alabama and spent my new years eve among a wealth of Southern Belles and Frat boys. Not people I am used to and the atmosphere was something different.

A girl looks expertly out of the corner of her eye. It flicks down your body. Then flicks just as quick back to her group. You've been dismissed. Found wanting.

I feel that if I danced like the crazy English girl does they would look at me like I had stripped naked and played out the Copacabana on my ass cheeks.

Being a loving daughter, sister and friend I have already written and sent out postcards and so have had my first fabulous experience of an American Post Office, which I found to be almost exactly like our own.

Except that the staff are incredibly friendly.

But apparently no one in the south seems to send things abroad. When asked for stamps to the UK, one post office in North Carolina had no idea what stamps to give us and asked us to go away, look it up on Google and come back and tell them. Another knew what we needed but it took around twenty minutes due to the need to go to into the 'VAULT' , yes, the 'VAULT', to get them. So we bought out their entire stock..
...all 9 of them!

The Countess

The Birth of a Journey

I am leaving the Old Blighty to seek adventure in the Land of Opportunity (USA).
Leaving on the 29th December and returning on the 27th March.
I aim to see how much 'America' I can imbibe within this allotted time. Starting in Washington DC and continuing in a haphazard mad journey that has no consistency or straight path but more a road of urge and curiosity, following my whims.
My partners in crime are other esteemed members of The House Of Vera. The Mad Baroness Frankie and The Duchess Mary Jane.

This should be muchly fun.

The Countess